AbleBodies

Halloween and Wheels!

In the spirit of halloween and the fun costumes we'll be seeing soon, check out 8 of my favorite costumes for those sporting wheels. Happy Halloween!

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Occurs Both Ways

Teaching in a formal setting came late in life. I was thirty-nine when I stepped into an English Composition 1 classroom in the fall 2009 at Grand Rapids Community College’s lakeshore campus. It was a classroom on the third floor of the Midtown Campus.

Stepping into the classroom on that first day I was a bundle of nerves. No amount of mental preparation prepared me for that day. I was standing in front of twenty-four students. All attention was on me. But somehow I got through that day and the week and finally the semester.

That first semester was a tremendous learning experience for me. Yes, you read this right. Shouldn’t I say it was a tremendous learning experience for the students? Perhaps, but only they can speak to that.

As an instructor who cares about teaching, I should also care about learning. What better place to learn than from standing in front of a classroom full of eager minds and interacting with them.

So how have I learned from my students over the past five years? What comes to mind right away is rapport building. Each day I converse with my students. I try to say a little something to each student. It might be a “good morning” or point out something he or she wrote in a journal or essay. Sometimes these conversations lead to a one-on-one chat after the class.

Why get to know the students like this? Well, it’s called building rapport. It lets them know I care about them and what goes on in their lives. After all, they are people as well as students. And I treat them as such.

This rapport I build in the classroom helps me build rapport with others in my life, whether it be strangers or those I will meet again and again. I can build a certain comfort level with people much easier now thanks to my students.

I also am more comfortable and at ease with myself after standing in front of a classroom full of students. For ninety-minute periods, I am “on stage” and the spotlight is on me. There is no room for nerves anymore. Sure, there is the first-day jitters, but that passes and then it’s time to put on my figurative teacher’s hat and get to work.

With this ease of being in front of students, comes a greater acceptance of my vision disability. My students know from day one about my eye sight issues. I am upfront with them. Sometimes there are questions, which I happily answer. At other times I’ve learned to incorporate my vision loss story into lessons in the classroom. It is an intimate part of my life that I wear on my sleeve. Many times it has helped students with their own disabilities in my classroom, as well as others deal with their own issues, as they share them with me in their writings.

Finally, I enjoy writing, whether it’s fiction, a blog, or interesting tidbits on facebook. Over the past five years my writing has strengthened and my style more refined. Why? My students. I read their work three-to-four times a week, look over journals and essays. I learn from their writing. It’s not a conscious thing but more of learning by osmosis. And learning comes from all types of writing, excellent or poor. By becoming a better writer, I have become a better teacher.

So, yeah, learning goes both ways. Teacher to student and from student to teacher. From that first batch of students, the Tiffanys, the Marks and the Jetons to the current batch, thank you for teaching me a thing or two about becoming a better person and teacher.

- Roel -

I Want To Hold Your Hand

You’re in a hospital room, supporting the soon-to-be parents of a newborn baby boy. The husband is holding the hand of his wife, their hand being held by the nurse: a support train. The others in the room take note, latching their hands together: a tangled mess hoping to ease tensions.

You’re walking, alone, getting errands done. On a mission, you’re hoping to accomplish your errands in a timely manner. Then, you see it: a young male and female holding hands. You’ve never seen them before, and figure you won’t see them again, so you continue onward. They looked innocent enough.

The reasons for holding hands run on: showing support, to calm, to be affectionate, offering safety and security, showing unity, etc. The two examples I provided are just the tip of the iceberg, yet show the range of situations holding hands comes in handy. There is also a deeper purpose of holding hands, known sometimes to those only partaking in the act. These purposes range from internal motives to eliminating or minimizing external judgements, and everything between. Then again, this could be me being over analytical. Similar to snowflakes, one could say that no two hand-holdings are exactly alike. Although there are variables going into the actual holding of the hands, I believe there is one similarity among them all: those taking part make a conscious decision to weave their hands together. With this holding true, the people involved want to be exactly where they are, while showing a sense of togetherness and peace. Maybe I’m the only one who feels a little giddy inside seeing others holding hands, as it provides me a sense of hope. When have you seen people holding hands? While seeing others holding hands, how do you feel? When you hold hands, how do you feel? I think it’s safe to say that when you’re holding hands, you feel safer than before. It takes a while sometimes, but your spirits are raised, knowing that someone is there, holding onto your life, with you.

You’re on a plane, sitting next to your loved one. He doesn’t like flying, and is extremely anxious about flying (stupid motion sickness). You reassure him he can squeeze your hand as hard as needed. Actually, there isn’t a point in saying this, as you anticipate it happening anyway: one of the perks of being in a relationship of 6+ years. As the safety rules are demonstrated and the plane starts moving, we both put a piece of gum in our mouth, hoping our ears won’t pop. The engines rev. My hand is even more at the ready, fully extended. He rests his head back, closes his eyes, and latches on. I look over to see he’s okay, and he is. I won’t close my eyes until we’re at cruising altitude. The wheels are up now, and his squeeze is getting tighter: anxiety. I gently rub his arm with my free hand, checking his pulse, and this relaxes him. We reach cruising altitude, and his gorgeous green eyes open. He’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine. We continue holding hands.

This happened during takeoff and landing, from Grand Rapids to Atlanta, then from Atlanta to Tampa Bay, and then on the way back. The least I could do was offer my hand for him, offering: safety, security, familiarity, a peace of mind, affection, and love. Such a simple gesture, yet signifying so much more.

 

- Brandon

"Dear Mama"

In August 2007 my wife, Dawn, and I found out we were going to have a baby. We were overjoyed, as we wanted a child. The happiness was short-lived as a month later we experienced a miscarriage. A radical shift in emotion took place. A tremendous loss.
This time of year is emotional for that reason. This year that child would be six years old.

After a sad evening a week ago, I composed this letter. The letter is from that unborn child to his/her mother, my wife. It was difficult for me to write it and I had to stop many times before I completed it. The letter was written with much love.

Dear Mama,

I know you often think about me, especially around this time of year when you first found out about me. It makes me smile even now seven years later. And it warms my heart that after all this time I hold a place in your own caring heart.

I wasn’t around long but it was enough to make an impact on you. During that short time, I felt loved, a love that only a mother could provide. A loving mother.
During that short time I experienced a lifetime of love and I am grateful for that time with you. Some kids have decades and decades with their mother and feel only coldness or regret. You, mama, gave me warmth, love and affection. Thanks you for that.

When you first learned of me, you were ecstatic. You wanted me for such a long time. Then one day, there I was, small and insignificant in the scheme of things, but already a huge part of your life. I felt that right away and I knew you'd make a wonderful mother. Others should be so lucky.

I can’t explain why I had to leave so soon. I know it caused you and still causes you grief and you mourn for your loss. I mourn, too. I was looking forward to growing up with you as my mom in my life. For whatever reason, it wasn’t to be. I wish I knew why, but I don’t. I know you had many questions, too, that went unanswered.
I want to thank you for being my mom even for that short period of time. I guess you’ll always be my mom and I’ll always be your child and knowing that makes me happy, still.

I just wanted to write you a short note letting you know that I’m OK. And you’ll always be in my heart as I know I’ll be in yours.

Love,
Me

- Roel -

Lucia's normal ...

Most days are pretty uneventful. I wake up - not usually willingly - take a shower, get dressed and drive to work. In fact I rarely dry my hair, and the first words out of my mouth as I speed through the doors at work are coffee. After a few sips of coffee, quick check of the gmail, and my day can begin.

Really nothing spectacular. In fact my morning routine probably sounds similar to many of yours.

Are you surprised?

I spend a lot of time trying to convince others that life with a disability is not so bad. In fact I've never known a day without having to use crutches and a wheelchair. My body has always been unique - my short stature, short neck and skinny legs - fit me.

Being born with spina bifida has caused irregularities inside and outside my body. But the condition is maintained. I do what everyone else has to do to keep healthy - take care of myself. I had surgeries on my feet and left leg when I was a toddler, and visit the spinal cord clinic every year. But my health care sounds familiar to others I've encountered without disabilities. It's part of life that we as humans have surgeries or visit doctors.

I was fortunate that I was born with a closed spine and did not need surgery on my back.
I didn't need a shunt, which is common for those with spina bifida.
I have a dimple in the middle of my back - the sign of where the spinal cord has been affected.
I have scoliosis and the curvature in my back resembles a figure eight (x-rays are awesome!).
I have feeling in my legs, feet and have sensation to know when I need to use the rest room.
I can't wiggle my toes and there's a slight numbness toward my rear area.
My legs are weak and I can't stand up by myself without feeling tired after one minute. When I take steps it resembles a child learning to walk and my balance is way off. I can only take one or two steps.

Don't worry I am not in physical pain.

I was diagnosed with spina bifida at birth but I am not my diagnosis. I do not let it disable me from living life. In fact how can you miss what you do not know?

My "normal" is using a wheelchair and crutches. My "normal" is being short in a tall persons world. My "normal" is using hand controls to drive and putting a wheelchair together every time I get in and out of the car.

So the next time you see me, or someone else with a disability, out and about. Don't pity. Don't thank the gods you were born "normal". But realize that we are just like you. Our "normal" may not be the way you view it, but it works for us. See us as human beings.

- Lucia -

Guest Blogger: Denise DiNoto

  “How do you ‘manage’ life as a woman with a disability?”  This question is asked of me at least three times each month.  My initial response is typically, “What alternative do I have?”  I mean – really?  Who else has to answer this type of question?  I have come to learn that the question's source really has nothing to do with me and is often more about the person asking it.  I think the real thought in that person’s head may be:  “I see what you are doing, it terrifies me, and I don’t know if I would have the ability to do it.  If I figured it out, I don’t know if I could accomplish what you do with as much happiness/optimism/success.”  Again I say – really?  I manage because that is my choice.

All of us, no matter our physical ability, are given the opportunity to make choices.  However, as a person who requires assistance from others in order to live independently, there is a critical difference in my choices.   The distinction, for me and others who rely on caregivers or assistants for help with care, is we always make choices or consciously think about things most people never consider.  The able-bodied have the luxury of a life without these choices, a gift taken for granted; and, unless pressed, would never consider these common happenings real choices or decisions.

As an example, each and every day, from the minute I get out of bed, I choose when and how much liquid to consume so I can get through the entire day without having to use a bathroom.  Wheelchair users often refer to this as “pee math.”  Why does this matter?  This one simple choice influences so much of my daily activity and my ability to “manage.”  This choice means I do not drink during the day before 2:00 PM, other than my morning coffee, which I gulp immediately upon rising each day.  It also means the toilet is one of my first stops when I get home from work.  If my personal assistant is late or calls out, finding a replacement worker becomes the priority activity no matter what. 

My entire life is scheduled around when the pee math will become critical.  Those who are able to use a toilet at any location, at any time, without needing another person to make it happen, never worry about whether the choice to have a second mug of afternoon tea was a mistake.  Those who are able to urinate at will never worry about whether the clothes they are wearing could be sacrificed and cut off their body in an emergency if their personal assistant doesn’t show up and they NEED to get on a toilet NOW!  I have indeed taken scissors to my pants in order to get to a toilet before the pee math went beyond critical.

This choice to dehydrate myself daily – a choice many of my friends, family, and healthcare providers do not approve of - works for me.  Rather than spending my lunch break in the bathroom, using a toilet that is difficult for me to access, I get to eat.  That is my choice.  And it really does not matter to me if others do not understand or agree with it.

Every individual adapts to the abilities they have.  They take what they can do and they learn how to make it work, without focusing on what they cannot do.  Rather than dwell on what I am unable to do, I choose to focus on what I am able to do.  This way of thinking makes perfect sense to some, but to others it is quite illogical.

 Perhaps this trait is what makes me remarkable to those who lack the ability to easily adapt to challenges, and those who question me about “managing.”  But adaptation can be learned, and I think given the chance, most would figure it out.  As humans, we have been adapting to various environmental and physical situations over the course of our history.  It is within all of us to choose to make use of what is available to us in our situations in order to succeed.  

Denise DiNoto (Blog: Dee Scribes)

The Self-Esteem Factor

Self-esteem is something many people struggle with on a daily basis. Some folks are paralyzed by low self-esteem and it affects every segment of their life. Others feel that self-esteem plummet under specific circumstances.

As a kid growing up, I suffered from low self-esteem. I was (and still am to a greater extent) a nerdy-looking person. While I don’t particularly care anymore about this, as an awkward kid attending school in a rough small town like San Diego, Texas, it can hit home. And someone like me is easy pickings for the other group of kids with low self-esteem: the bullies.

Never one to belong to the popular crowd, I blended in and was one of those kids who got by. People knew me because the school district was small, but I was hardly a blip on the radar. I was the shy, introverted kid, who said little, even though I wanted to speak up. But that just never happened.

As I got older and entered junior high, life got a little tougher. I started noticing girls and how “hot” they were. Hormones are raging and voices deepening and it’s a natural thing to want to, well, mix with the opposite sex. Looking back, it was an epic fail. Never a date or anything. I never got the guts to ask a single girl out on a date.

Looking back, my awkward nature and inability to simply walk up to a girl and ask her, “Wanna hang out?” just wasn’t in the plan. There was a deep understanding that I’d be shot down, laughed at and ridiculed. So I admired from afar.

But this self-esteem issue goes much farther than simply not asking a girl on a date. I joined no extra-curricular activities or sports. Many of my friends started football or basketball or joined UIL. Not me. Was there a want to join activities? Yes, but the want is as far as I got.

High school, which can be the black hole of existence, saw me head into an interesting direction. If classmates look back and think about how I acted, most would say I was funny or did outrageous things.  A few years back, one classmate even said I was the cool dude who stood off by himself who didn’t care. Interesting observation but clearly incorrect.

The humor I used during high school was a mask. Most people walk around with one, two, three or more masks to cover up true feelings or to make themselves feel better. My humor was my mask covering up my low self-esteem.

Entering high school, I was considered a nerd, picked on by the upper classmen, pushed around in the hallways and belittled whenever the opportunity presented itself. But after issues with my vision, where did that leave me? Nowhere but down. On top of having the stigma of being a nerdy guy, I was now the nerdy “blind” guy.

To compensate? Let’s have a laugh fest at my expense. It seemed the only way to cope with how shitty I felt. I got laughs and laughs, in my mind, equaled acceptance. I wonder now how many of those laughs were at my expense? I wager that most were aimed at me and not with me.

While I went through high school, I wore that jester’s mask and played it to the hilt. Behind that mask was a teenager who felt isolated and alone, never quite fitting into situations and most company.

It’s only now with a couple of decades of perspective that I see all this. Perspective is great. Too bad it most always happens way after the fact.

And these days, you ask? My self-esteem is better. I am confident in most things I do. Do I have dips in my self-esteem? Sure. Doesn’t everyone? Except these days I shrug off those moments because I have a little thicker skin. 

- Roel -

The Love Vibe

Bodies pushing up against each other. Throat raw from screaming lyrics at top volume. Tendrils of sweat running down the face. Neck hurting from bopping it bac and forth. Ears ringing afterward. Body aching for days. But soul satisfied.

That description sums up concerts for me. I love the feel of live music and listening and watching the band perform their own songs. My love affair with live shows started in February 1987 when my cousin Joe and I went to see Iron Maiden In Corpus Christi, Texas. My vision was at its worst then so I saw little of the show but I heard it and I was there.

Social Distortion playing the Kalamazoo State Theatre on Sept. 12.

On Sept. 12 of this year I attended my most recent concert, Social Distortion in Kalamazoo. It was a high-energy performance. Singer Mike Ness threw punches at a guy in the audience who tossed water (or beer) at him. Some guy got on stage and took a stage dive. To top it off, I showed up on a YouTube video filmed by a fellow Social D. fan.

I’ve attended my fair share of concerts, ranging from Tejano to speed metal. I enjoy each one and each style of music for different reasons. Below are my top five favorite concerts.

1. Iron Maiden (2012)—I’ve seen Maiden four times but this show at DTE Energy Theater tops them all. The band played songs from their heyday in the 1980s and their live show was spectacular with their mascot Eddie making two appearances on stage.  The crowd was wild and I left there wanting more.
2. U2 (2001)—My wife Dawn and I saw the Irish band play at the Frank Erwin Center in Austin, Texas two months after the events of Sept. 11. U2’s show was super-charged with emotion. During one of their songs the band displayed over the stage backdrop a scrolling list of persons killed during the attacks on the World Trade Center. Great tribute.
3. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (2005)—Dawn and I went down to Noblesville, Ind. To check out Tom Petty at the Verizon Wireless Music Center. He played hit after hit and the crowd was into the entire setlist. The man puts on a tremendous live show. The bonus was getting drenched by a downpour several songs from the end of the show. Petty ended the show early due to this. No complaints. A wild ride.
4. Van Halen (2007)—My pal Mark and I went to the Palace of Auburn Hills to check out VH. David Lee Roth had recently reunited with the band. So we had the privilege of hearing VH songs from their first album up to 1984. Roth is quite the showman. But I remember telling myself, “That’s Eddie Van Halen down there jamming out.” Classic stuff.
5. Slayer/Megadeth/Anthrax (2010)—A triple bill my friend Mark and I saw at the Deltaplex. It was a rush. My ears rang for days afterward and my neck hurt from headbanging. I even got caught in a mosh pit for a bit. Slayer rocked it and I once again was in awe as I saw Scott Ian of Anthrax playing his guitar. He’s a metal icon.

Honorable Mentions:

Iron Maiden (1987) –My first concert and a bonus. Maiden is my favorite band.

John Mellencamp (2006)—The man puts on a rockin’ show. Crowd gets into it. Bonus for the Van Andel show was Donavan opening up for him.

Dwight Yoakam—I love my rockabilly music. Yoakam, who I’ve seen twice sets a vibe that keeps you tapping through the entire show.

- Roel -

One Life To Live

September is a strange month. School starts, leaves change colors, summer ends, and tornadoes/hurricanes destroy land and lives, among others. As many carry on with their “normal” lives, my awareness is heightened because September is National Suicide Prevention Month.

My clinical diagnosis tells me I’m at a high risk of not only thinking about suicide, but acting on those fatal thoughts. The negative stigma placed on anyone with a disability--- hidden or visible--- puts me at a high risk. Being gay also means I’m perceived as different, which puts me at a high risk. When a negative stigma is present, it affects how a person perceives themselves. Too often, the thought pattern of these people takes a turn for the worse, ultimately leading to suicide. As if the negative perception of oneself isn’t strong enough, bullying adds a heavy weight for many. Disappointingly, the suicide rates continue to rise within two groups I’m in: the mental health community and the LGBT community. The correlation between being an easy target for bullies and suicide rates is too strong to ignore. Those who cause emotional duress and physical pain need to realize the profound impact they’re having on innocent people trying to live their lives.

Some general statistics regarding suicide rates in the U.S.:
- Second leading cause of death among youth (ages 10-24), taking an average of 4,600 lives annually
- 16% of high school students, from public and private schools, seriously consider suicide
- Over 60% of youth dying from suicide are diagnosed with major depression
- Nearly 15% of the population suffers from clinical depression during their life. 30% of clinically depressed patients attempt suicide, with 50% dying from suicide
- Every 13 minutes, a life is lost to suicide

Here’s what numbers say about LGBT youth in the U.S.:
- 4 times more likely to carry through on a suicide attempt than heterosexual peers
- Suicide attempts are 4-6 more times more likely to result in injury, poisoning, or overdose requiring treatment, than straight peers
- Nearly 50% of transgender youth have seriously considered taking their lives, while almost 25% carry through on a suicide attempt
- When LGBT victimization occurs (physical/verbal abuse), self -harming oneself increases 250%
- A child coming from a family which rejects them is 8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide than coming from a family which doesn’t reject them

Being a kid these days is tough. Everywhere they look, they’re told they’re not good enough, that they’re doing something wrong. When a child is constantly bullied, erasing the pain and torment is excruciating; that’s what they know. Nobody should ever have the power to tell someone they’re not worth living. Time and time again, I hear a person commits suicide because of continuous bullying. While I don’t have an immediate connection to the person who took their life, I can relate. I relate because I was there, contemplating and considering suicide as the only option. Initially, I was too weak to realize by taking my own life, I was empowering those doubting me. Over years of strengthening my mind and my support system, I realized I wouldn’t to stoop to their level. This is an ongoing process which is worth all the struggles encountered along the way.

I’m living proof that tumultuous times can be conquered with the right mindset, strong support group, and hope in hand. Do me a favor to realize how important you are: look in the mirror, place your hand over your heart. Feel that? It’s called life. Live it.

The Trevor Project has a great new PSA, "Ask For Help" (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/site/AskforHelp). This makes it easy for LGBT youth to share firsthand with others having the same struggles. The Trevor Project always has counselors to help guide you and remind you that you are good enough, despite what others say. The work this organization does is life saving, to say the least.

- Brandon

September 11th National Day of Service and Remembrance

 

Did you know that in 2009, Congress designated September 11th as a National Day of Service and Remembrance under bipartisan federal law? For more information, check out the Corporation for National and Community Service on ways to help support this effort across the country.

 

United We Serve