Parenting probably is the toughest job a person undertakes. Myriad of experiences occur, emotions vary from joy and happiness to heartache and worry, and a parent just hopes he or she does and says the proper things to shape a child to become a productive individual.
Parenting is a tough road and presents itself with its own challenges. Now, throw into the mix a parent with a vision disability and those challenges multiply.
When Dawn and I first discussed adopting in 2008, I never gave much thought to the affect my limited vision might play in being a parent. I’ve lived with my vision issues since age fifteen and I’ve managed to survive and flourish in life with everything from earning a master’s degree to being a reporter for several newspapers.
Even though mentally I worked on adopting kids, I never gave much thought to the disability element. I figured since everything else up to that point was achieved, why not too achieving becoming a successful parent despite my disability. Deep down I didn’t want it to be a problem.
Our three kids came to live with us on April 1, 2010 and it was an adjustment for me as it was for them. Suddenly they are with two strangers who in time will adopt them. and we did. On Jan. 20, 2011, Dawn and I adopted our kids. That was one of the greatest moments of my life.
It’s going on five years that the kids have lived with us. And like any other family, we’ve experienced our fair share of ups and downs—mostly ups, though.
So you may ask, has your vision hindered you as a parent?
Yes, at times, especially when it comes to health issues. And those are the most important.
In late 2013 one of our kids was diagnosed with epilepsy after experiencing a series of grand mal seizures. Seeing a child undergo a seizure is frightening—the body convulsing and limbs flailing. Your first thought is “Oh my God, my child is dying right in front of my eyes.”
For me, while I see the big picture, the small things escape me due to my limited vision. A flurry of questions become my anxiety: Are eyes rolling back in their sockets? Any bruising from a fall? Is it a full-body seizure (a 911-operator question)? Any facial expressions changes? Is the child breathing? as the head bumped or struck during the fall? I must approach the situation in a different manner that includes more touching and listening rather than seeing, which tends to be the manner most people assess a situation.
While coping with one child’s epilepsy, due to trauma, another of our kids is hording food. We’ve found lots of wrappers under the couch cushions and containers behind said couch.
Though the issue is more prevalent now, it is something that has occurred over the years. On many occasions I’ve been in the same room where that child has sneaked some “goodies” and is slowly eating them. I see nothing and the deed is found out only after the fact.
Just the other night I asked Dawn to check in on our child to make sure everything was fine. My words to Dawn were, “Can you check, you can see things I can’t.” That seems to be my go-to phrase. And, what did Dawn encounter? A package of saltines by the bed and a mouthful of crackers. It’s always easier to sneak food when I’m the one around.
And the list goes on.
So is life challenging for a parent with a vision disability? Yep. But I deal with it. I love my kids and try to do best by them and not let my disability get in the way. But when my disability becomes an issue for me, I deal with it the way I’ve dealt with it in the past—work with it and make it work.
- Roel -
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