In August 2007 my wife, Dawn, and I found out we were going to have a baby. We were overjoyed, as we wanted a child. The happiness was short-lived as a month later we experienced a miscarriage. A radical shift in emotion took place. A tremendous loss.
This time of year is emotional for that reason. This year that child would be six years old.
After a sad evening a week ago, I composed this letter. The letter is from that unborn child to his/her mother, my wife. It was difficult for me to write it and I had to stop many times before I completed it. The letter was written with much love.
Dear Mama,
I know you often think about me, especially around this time of year when you first found out about me. It makes me smile even now seven years later. And it warms my heart that after all this time I hold a place in your own caring heart.
I wasn’t around long but it was enough to make an impact on you. During that short time, I felt loved, a love that only a mother could provide. A loving mother.
During that short time I experienced a lifetime of love and I am grateful for that time with you. Some kids have decades and decades with their mother and feel only coldness or regret. You, mama, gave me warmth, love and affection. Thanks you for that.
When you first learned of me, you were ecstatic. You wanted me for such a long time. Then one day, there I was, small and insignificant in the scheme of things, but already a huge part of your life. I felt that right away and I knew you'd make a wonderful mother. Others should be so lucky.
I can’t explain why I had to leave so soon. I know it caused you and still causes you grief and you mourn for your loss. I mourn, too. I was looking forward to growing up with you as my mom in my life. For whatever reason, it wasn’t to be. I wish I knew why, but I don’t. I know you had many questions, too, that went unanswered.
I want to thank you for being my mom even for that short period of time. I guess you’ll always be my mom and I’ll always be your child and knowing that makes me happy, still.
I just wanted to write you a short note letting you know that I’m OK. And you’ll always be in my heart as I know I’ll be in yours.
Love,
Me
- Roel -
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