“You’re grumpy.”
“Why are you so upset?”
“You haven’t smiled all day.”
“Why so serious?”
Yes, I can be grumpy.
Yes, I can get upset.
Maybe you just haven’t seen me smile all day.
Yes, I can be too serious, at times.
A very small sampling of the assumptions people make towards me, followed by the initial thought crossing my mind, which often stays there. Just like everyone else, I’m human, and enjoy talking to people. Unlike many people (although numbers are growing), I have Depression, A.D.D., Bipolar, and Generalized Anxiety. As much as I want to say these factors don’t play a role in everyday interactions, they do.
When someone approaches me with an assumption out of leftfield, I’m put in a defensive position. The chances of having an honest and good conversation are all but squashed when this small series of events happens. Since I can’t blow up at everyone, I realize that sometimes ignoring people is the best option. Although it’s not always easy, I am learning to take deep breaths and collect my thoughts before speaking. My mind is a roller coaster of emotions, changing with something as simple as a gust in the wind, but having other people tell me how I’m feeling without showing any concern makes it even more difficult.
There’s an ongoing battle inside my head, and there is no difference when someone makes an assumption about me. One side (the head) tells me, “I don’t want to prove you wrong”, while another side (the heart) tells me, “watch me prove you wrong.” The “head” part has no problem if I’m losing, as long as the other person is winning. The “heart” part tells me that I deserve to win, to be heard, while forgetting the other person’s feelings. However, etched deep within me is a passion for caring about others. Here is where I go back and forth, and back and forth, on what comes next. It’d be easy to ignore the other person’s feelings and carry on, with no regret. My mind is anything but simple, and I worry about the other person, even though they seem to not care. Many variables are taken into consideration: the other person/people, the subject matter, and my mood are at the forefront. A random person telling me my shirt is ugly doesn’t hold the same weight as a close friend telling me they don’t like that I seem uneasy. Despite the truth, both instances add to the already vicious cycle inside of my head. In battles of head vs. heart, I struggle.
Everyone rides their own roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis. Instead of assuming we know the story of each other, how about having a genuine conversation with someone? How about finding out why they’re the way they are? How about surveying the field and treating others as teammates rather than rivals?
-Brandon
Thanks, Mary! While I can't speak for everyone, we each deserve to be heard; after all, we're the ones who know our lives the best. It's quite disappointing how talking to people is becoming sort of a lost art.
- Brandon
Posted by: Brandon | 09/05/2014 at 04:12 PM
I like this: "everyone rides their own roller coaster of emotions". Well said Brandon.
Posted by: Mary M. Ferry | 08/31/2014 at 06:41 PM