(To protect the kids’ identities, I wrote only their initials for this blog)
April 1, 2010 holds a special place in my heart. On that day our three kids came to officially live with us and began our nine-month journey to adopting them. That day also began my own journey toward fatherhood. It has been an emotional ride, to say the least.
Our road toward adopting started years before, when we tried having a child of our own. A miscarriage in the fall of 2007 took an emotional toll on us. While recovering from this, we reevaluated and decided that adoption might be a good alternative to having our own child.
Dawn started researching the process of adoption and looked at all the options. Finally, we settled on Bethany Christian Services and adopting a child from Michigan. We filled out paperwork, asked for letters of recommendation, references and took a few classes, along with an inspection of our house. Eventually we were approved.
But then began the hardest part: the search for a child.
We were given several resources to help us, including a web site where potential adoptees were featured. On this web site the adoptees’ pictures were posted along with a short bio of the child. It was a great resource and Dawn scoured the web site weekly to look for that special child.
After a few false starts frustration set in. No child matched who we were looking for. Would we ever find that special kid we could call our son or daughter?
Eventually after months and just about giving up, Dawn noticed someone on the web site. Well, not one someone, three someones. They were a sibling group, two brothers and a younger sister. A.J. was 13, K.E. was 11 and the little sister , K.R. was 5.
This was a big step for us. Three kids at one time. But something seemed right about it and about the kids.
We inquired about the sibling group and in early March of 2010 we met the three kids at a Big Boy in Grand Rapids. A.J. was the talker for the group. K.E. was quiet and introspective and K.R. was wide-eyed and scared . We talked to them for about an hour and a half before saying our goodbyes. WE even took a picture with them in the restaurant’s foyer. Our first picture.
Before leaving, the Bethany employee, who accompanied us for the meeting, told us to be sure of moving forward with this and not to make a hasty decision. “If you’re unsure, don’t go ahead with it. You have to be sure.”
We left back to Holland with thoughts of adoption. This was a big step for us. We potentially were adopting not one child but three siblings. Our lives would change with this adoption. But we wanted it. The kids endeared themselves to us in their own way. We had the heart and love to do it. We agreed.
During the month of March we met the kids to form a bond. We first got together in Holland for a few hours on a Sunday and went bowling and then for a bite to eat at Burger King. Then the meetings progressed to staying overnight and finally for the weekend.
The big day arrived and on the afternoon of April 1, 2010 the white van drove up and here they were, “our kids.” Clothes and toys were taken out of the van and dropped off on the driveway. The white van was driven away and there we were. Dawn and I and these three kids.
That first evening began my introduction into fatherhood and the adoption process. It was a rude and awesome awakening. On our way to Kollen Park to fly kites, I reached out to hold K.R.’s hand. She refused, wanting to cross the street on her own. She got petulant. I told her it was unsafe and still she refused. Finally, I took her hand and we crossed. But it put her in a foul mood from which she never recovered during that first official outing at the park. She and I sat on a bench while her brothers laughed and flew the kites while Dawn watched them.
That moment brought happiness to my heart, seeing the boys enjoy themselves so freely. But that moment at the park also made me sad to see the little one sit out from that activity.
I was so green back then—and still am to an extent, when it comes to child-rearing. But what that time at Kollen Park showed me in its own way was the rollercoaster of emotions faced by Dawn and I and by the kids. It was going to be a bumpy ride. But, then, don’t most families face ups and downs and adversity?
- Roel -
What a wonderful adaptation of part of your adoption process. I love the drawing done, too; it shows inside the mind of a child and what family means to them. How are the kids adapting to you and Dawn now?
Posted by: Brandon | 04/02/2014 at 04:27 PM