In July my trips to Benavides continued. I kept going to the pool and cruising was a mainstay in my visits to the small town. But what I noticed was difficulty in getting around when I drove. Things got blurry. My distance vision got worse. I started taking dirt roads to get as close as possible to Benavides or to my ranch, avoiding much of the paved rural roads. My vision issues became bad enough that I noticed and made alterations in my driving patterns.
Then in late July while driving my cousin Eddie back to Benavides something happened that finally led to me telling my parents about my vision issues. Eddie and I were nearing the town and came to a severe curve in the road. I was driving along when I noticed something ahead but I could not distinguish what it was. I remained in my lane. Then as I neared I saw it was a construction worker flagging me down. Machinery was in my lane. I got VERY close to this man before I switched lanes and went around the heavy machinery. I got through the road construction by the skin of my teeth. Eddie later told me the construction worker was flagging me down with furious motions as I neared him. Thinking back, I dread what could have happened. I could have killed that construction worker, Eddie or myself.
Seeing no alternative and with reluctance I approached my mom and told her about the problems I was experiencing. She got angry at first for not saying anything. Then she got upset because I never wore the glasses I owned. I knew this would happen. But there was nothing else I could do; my vision was worsening at a drastic rate. I still have no clue how I hid it from my family during this time. I must have compensated somehow. I was the only one who knew how bad it was getting. Yet, as far as I was concerned, it was a simple matter that a new pair of glasses would solve.
An appointment with a optometrist in Alice was made. I still recall sitting in the chair and the man asking me what letters I could see. I shook my head every time. Even when the giant E was lit up I could not see it. It was a blur. This caused great concern for everyone and a string of doctors’ appointments followed that August.
As the days went on, my vision worsened. Soon, I would be thrown another curve ball. That blurry portion of my vision, which was located in the center of my field of vision, became colorful. I don’t remember which color came first but both red and green filled this blurred area. First one color showed up and disappeared. Then the second color appeared and then the other mixed with it. They blended together and formed this huge colored-in cloud that took up most of my vision, except for the extreme sideways and upper and lower peripheral vision. By the end of August I was essentially blind, unable to carry on a conversation with another person and looking at them directly.
It was a time of upheaval in my family’s life. My parents were beside themselves with grief over this sudden vision loss. At the time doctors had no explanation for it and my parents received blank looks when they asked what was wrong. No one had answers, which made it more difficult. There was much crying from my aunts, wishing my vision would return. My dad told me once that he’d gladly give up one of his eyes to me if I would be able to see again. That was one of the most touching, selfless sentiments anyone’s ever expressed to me.
So while all this was going on, what about me? What was my reaction? As that summer came to an end, I had no reaction and I would have none until a few months later when I was supposed to be in school, starting my sophomore year.
That August as my life turned upside down, I was numb. This vision loss occurred so swiftly and without warning that it took me a few months to catch up with what was happening. And even then I don’t think I truly accepted it. I was fifteen, after all. This vision loss should not be happening to me. This was the type of thing I read about but surely not expected to endure.
So there I was at the end of summer and a total shift in my life occurred. It was as if I started over as someone else, someone who’d lost a major part of his life and was starting a new journey as someone else.
Part of this new journey I was beginning involved something unexpected: loss of independence. That thing I craved and yearned for and wanted was gone. No longer was I able to get behind the wheel of a car and speed away, with the music blasting and the wind in my hair. It was an experience I got to taste for a short while and I enjoyed its sweetness. But it was gone far too soon and since then I’ve been left with this desire and want to get behind the wheel and drive off down a country road with Iron Maiden playing on a CD. I will have to settle for dreaming of this scenario.
- Roel -
(Part 2 of 4)
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